Today was a very somber day. Dad slept almost the whole day and was never really coherent. He smiled a few times, but that was all. We had a nurse come to the house and explain in detail the stages we will see him go through as he slowly drifts asleep. Never have I wanted time to pass so slowly only to see it go so quickly. Listening to the nurse made us realize how hard the next several days will be. We have been prepared for his passing for a couple of weeks, yet did not understand what the last days would be like. We cried a lot, yet somehow we were able to laugh a lot as well. Mom continues to be a rock, yet I realized yesterday she has assumed the role of the leader of our family with grace and strength. I have never been so impressed with her as I have these last few weeks.
Myke (Dad’s sister-in-law) and Suzie (Dad’s sister) came over and visited. It was nice to see them. This is especially difficult for members of Dad’s family who lost Kay (Dad’s brother) 17 years ago. Myke was so worried about Mom because she has felt those same pains as Kay passed away. Everyone remained upbeat. Two days ago Dad said that the last few days have been great for him – that is how we want all these days to be! A couple of weeks ago I read an article where they interviewed Patrick Swayze’s wife and I have remembered something she said. She said, “As frightening as the situation was, I needed to function, I needed to be there for him. And, if this was not going to end will, I could cry later.” This is good advice.
Jen and I spent the day with Mom. She was able to get about an hour of sleep which she so desperately needs right now. Grandma Betty stayed the whole day and most of the time just sat by Dad and held his hand. Kathy (Mom’s sister) spent the day cleaning the house and would yell at us if we tried to help (she is amazing!). Grandma Rene came by and had lunch with us. Kirk mentioned this on the blog ,and I echo it, we are so blessed to have both Grandmas be such a big part of our life.
The fun part began about 4:00 when the power went out. As it started getting dark RaeAnn (one of Mom’s best friends) came over and said her husband John was bringing a generator. As the rest of the house was pitch dark, we ate great Chinese food that Kirk brought. It was an adventure as we had 3 lamps lit in the front room. Zak and Josh (my kids) were there and loved getting everything we needed because they had the flashlights. The power finally came on about 8:30.
Grandma Betty, Suzie (Dad's sister), Myke (Dad's sister-in-law), and Dad
(Suzie wanted me to put that it was really windy outside and she was having a bad hair day)
Courtney, Ashley (Dad's Nieces), Dad, and Mom
We love you all. We pray for your strength and courage to meet the next few days.
ReplyDeleteHold on to each other, lean on each other, as we pray for you all.
We love Gary and pray for a sweet and peaceful passing. There will be many joyful people waiting to greet him on the other side of the veil.
My heart is breaking for you all.
Sally
Dear Raynee -
ReplyDeleteKris and I were talking about you last night. We both swelled up with tears. Your spirit, charisma and love for people & life truly is "a light that shineth in a dark place"...and it just doesn't flicker - It radiates! We are blessed to know you. The world is a better place because of you.
Shortly before the Saviors death he said, "I go to prepare a place for you". Knowing Gary, and in this very trial, he continues to follow the Saviors example. What a guy!
We love you.
Danny & Kris
Dear Gary & Raynee,
ReplyDeleteEven though my heart is breaking and I can't stop crying, my heart is overflowing with gratitude for my many blessings. This blog has been an added reminder of all the great blessings I enjoy in my life; it has been a beautiful reminder of the great blessings that are bestowed upon us; the love of a tender and merciful Father in Heaven, the love, compassion and understanding of our older brother, Jesus Christ, for eternal families and forever friendships, for good health, for daily tender mercies, for loving acts of service, for the gospel of Jesus Christ. The list goes on and on, doesn't it?
I marvel at how blessed we all are. The Lord is so good to us. Even in the midst of sorrow, He shows us his love in so many ways. In John 14:18 it reads: "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." He will not leave us alone. What a tender mercy!
The time that Dave & I were able to spend with you two in your home a few weeks ago is a priceless memory to us. We are so grateful that we were able to spend several hours with the two of you! I'm glad that you could enjoy one of my cookies, even if it wasn't "crunchy" enough to dunk. Haha. Thank you so much! Cherished memories....
I marvel at how graceful you have been through this trial, Raynee. I marvel at what a tremendous woman you are. You are truly a pillar of strength to so many. What an example you are to me and countless others!
I've reflected on one of my all time favorite quotes over the last while. This quote has resonated with me for years. I feel inclined to share it with you now, as I feel it exemplifies the way both of you endure trials:
"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God . . . and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven."
-Orson F. Whitney
I pray for you countless times a day and our whole family remembers you in their prayers as well. We love you and pray for comfort, peace and an abundance of love to be with you. We are here for each of you and are willing to do ANYTHING to help you out!
Love you guys!
Tammy Miller
I tried adding this to my previous post but it was too long, I guess. :) So here it is:
ReplyDeleteAs I close, I wanted to share this story with you, it's called “The Dash.” I have had it for several years now and read it from time to time.I will get you a copy of this book.It reads:
“I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
from the beginning to the end.
He noted that first came the date of his birth
and spoke of the following dates with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all....
was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time
that he spent alive on earth
and now only those who loved him
know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own,
the cars...the house...the cash...
What matters is how we live and love...
and how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard;
are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real...
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives....
like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile...
remembering that this special dash
might only last a while.
So when your eulogy is being read...
with your life's actions to rehash...
would you be proud of the things they say...
about you spent your dash?
Gary, your “dash” has been well spent! I feel this story represents how you've spent that dash. You have spent your life serving the Lord. You make everyone feel special. You are always smiling. You are special. We love you two dearly. Big hugs from me!
Love always,
Your forever friend,
Tammy Miller
This is a comment I sent when I didn't know how to send them - if it's a duplicate, please forgive me for repeating myself.
ReplyDeleteDear Bengtzens:
We want you both to know what a wonderful influence for good you have been on our lives. We’ve only known you for a very short seven and a half years but those years have been ones we will treasure always.
From our first meeting when we called to tell you we had friends in common and found that you were going to the same mission as we were and that we wanted to meet you our lives have been better because we know you. We went out to dinner and knew right away that we were going to be close. I’ll never forget walking with you, Raynee, at the Cottonwood Mall and hearing about your wonderful family. It was fun to have you meet my friend, Marilyn, as we all walked together on a couple of occasions.
We weren’t sure that we were going to get out into the mission field as soon as we planned and thought we’d get there about the same time – as it turned out our visas came through and we did arrive a month before you.
Having you in Lyon so close to our St. Etienne family was another blessing for all of us. It was so much fun to know that we could just call you on our “P” day and have you go with us on some wonderful adventure. I can’t believe how incredibly blessed we are to have such wonderful memories with you and all the other “senior” couples.
I hope you got my email that I forwarded from the Murdocks in Geneva about the mission home changing to Lyon. That must be a very tender thing for you because you spent so much time in that beautiful city. They only certain thing in this life is change and things are really changing in our mission right now.
I hope you got the DVD that Fred dropped off Raynee so that you can see how much we all love you and how much fun we had teasing you and each other about memories that we shared.
Please know that we will do anything we can to help you in whatever way we can and that we love you and pray for you always. There’s a song that goes…”you are in my heart” – that’s how we feel - you are in our hearts always.
Love forever – Fred and Gayle