Today was another difficult day. We heard back from the doctor’s office about the liver biopsy. The results were inconclusive, which means that the test did not help us determine what the source of the cancer is. They also received the other test back but the results were too “weird” for the nurses to understand it so we have to wait for the doctor to look at it on Monday.
Dad continues to go downhill. It is amazing that a few short weeks ago this man was healthy, energetic, and happy. He is very unstable and we have to be with him when he walks. Today he wanted to do a “lap” around the house. I could not help but sob as we slowly walked. For many years he has been not only a father, but he has been my partner and my best friend. Whenever I would have successes or failures I would tell my wife and then my father. He has been my confidant, advisor, and the person I turned to for advice. How could this happen in such a short period of time??
Dad slept quite a bit today. Even though he is in constant pain, he is still witty and keeps us laughing. Caitlin (my daughter) came home from college today (her uncle Cory was so thoughtful and flew her home). Caitlin had a great visit with Dad. Kirk and his family brought dinner to Mom and Dad and spent the evening. They had a nice evening with them. Kirk is spending the night there so he can help with Dad if needed.
Dad has been looking forward to seeing Brittany (Alicia’s daughter) swim tomorrow and Zak (my son) receive his Eagle Scout Award on Sunday. Mom has figured out the best times to give Dad his meds so he will have the most energy and best clarity. A great friend brought over a wheelchair so it will be easier for Dad to get around. We all hope he will do OK at these events!
Kirk, Dad, Mom, Braydan, Dawson, and Brandi
Dad, Caitlin, Mom, Teague, and Ivy
Your family is living Psalm 23, which is one of the hardest of all of life's blessings. So much of what we experience in living, including pain and sorrow feels very hard. But the experiences of comforting and being comforted, of loving one through their valleys and being loved in our own valleys are among life's most meaningful. I find great comfort in our journey knowing that my Lord and Saviour walks with me and has walked with from long before I was walking my earthly journey. The love you have as a family and the life Gary and Raynee live is a reflection of His presence and surely He has walked with you all during countless trials. We live in a mortal world and our bodies are amazingly complex. That they work as well as they do can only be regarded as miraculous. As hard as personal physical pain is to bear - sometimes even with helpful medication - the soul pain of watching those you love suffer hurts so deeply be quad of the very love you have. Christ's love for us was so strong that he took the pain of our sins upon himself so that we may live again in the joyous presence of our Heavenly Father and those we walked through the mortal valleys with. For every valley it seems life also gives us the tender mercies of hills. I suspect that as hard as things are right now, your family pulling together and showing so much support for one another will be counted as a mountain in your life. Kirsten says courage is making the choice to live through challenges and choose the right thing, the Jesus thing, to do. The Bengtzens are courageous!
ReplyDeleteAll our love, Lisa
Gary is a miracle. Gary and Raynee are miracles, and so are their kids, and their relationships, their choices, and this blog. My heart is so full of gratitude, and aching, and sadness. I have been following this trial from the start, and I can read and feel that it has been a literal battle. I have cried tears everyday, I have prayed everyday. So have my husband and children, from Orem to Rexburg. I have been strengthened by the courage and bravery you all have. I have a pretty strong testimony of the plan of salvation, firm and strong. But, you have strengthened it. It is beyond hard to face trials like this, but I know the Lord will not give us anything we can’t handle. It is obvious you have all pulled together to help hold each other up.
ReplyDeleteKirk, you are right, your parents have done a fabulous job teaching you the importance of family and love for one another. This is a hard yucky thing to face, but you have your family to hold to and they will strengthen you when you need it, and you will hold them up when they need it. Your post was heartbreaking, and I just wanted to wrap you up, wrap you all up, in a big blanket and hold you and make it better. But your strength still shines through your pain. You are strong, and together you can face this.
To Braydan, I will never forget your post to your grandpa. When you said “I sometimes think that it might be better if I had the pain and my grandpa was all fine and cured…” you touched on one of the main reasons we are living on the earth, to develop that unconditional love for others. It’s very unselfish. I am proud of you.
Teague, I, too, have made a promise to live the kind of life where I can have peace no matter what I am facing. What a great blessing to be able to see it before I may face a trial of this magnitude.
I can’t express my gratitude enough for sharing so publicly this trial you are facing. I have been strengthened. I selfishly await each update, hoping for good news, for relief of pain, for answers so desperately wanted. I pray all the time for you all. The Lord is in charge. We may not like how He makes us turn a corner, but He knows us. He will heal and help us, and especially you at this time. Love each other! Hug each other for me, and know we love you all!
Todd, Holly, and the girls!
You are all so very dear to our hearts. It is so strange how fast lives change. You are all amazing and doing wonderful things. Taking LOTS of pictures and talking. Keep doing what you are doing. We love you all so very much and are so sorry you have to endure this... Our prayers continue to be with you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Bengtzen family for teaching all of us courage, strength, the power of family and love for all that is good. Thank you for posting this blog site and allowing us to be part of your day. We love you.
ReplyDeleteDanny
Gary and Family,
ReplyDeleteJust a note to tell you that we send our love as as you struggle with this terrible desease. I hold you and your family in a special part of my heart. Good friends are always hard to come by and you have been one of the best. As I read the blog I am flooded with memories of you and your family. Some of these memories are great and some with your boys are best left unmentioned. Looking at the pictures who knew anyone would trust Cory to fly a plane? I hope there is a dirt bike waiting for you somewhere in the near future and challenging hills to ride on. I would suggest Teague ride with you, but my experience with him in young mens is that every time he took off riding into the horizon he came back pushing the bike. God bless as you persevere forward, we pray for you folks every night. Leland and Bunny
We love that you guys are posting updates so that we can know how you are all doing with out constantly bugging you! Seeing all of you work together as a family is such a good example and again makes all of us realize how important families are. The best thing I have read is that all of you have no regrets and that's how I want to live my life! Gary and Raynee have always spread so much love! We love the big hugs Raynee gives us whenever she sees us! We love you guys! Ryan and Andrea
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