Dad,
This morning I woke up after 36 hours of running around, planning the funeral, helping Mom in any way I can, picking out a casket, writing your obituary with the family, etc. etc. I turned on the computer to make sure your obituary was up and I had a complete melt down.
All of a sudden I got slapped across the face with the very harsh reality that you won't be calling my phone to check in on me like you did daily, you won't be walking through the door saying "howdy howdy", you won't be coming up to the dealership just to say hi, you won't be at Tyson's birthday dinner tonight, YOU JUST WON'T BE THERE ANY MORE...
As our family gathered around your bed on Sunday, I climbed into bed with you and slid between you and mom sliding my arms and legs around your body. All of your kids had a hand on your sweet, cancer infested body and I put my cheek on yours. I then put my lips next to your ear and whispered to you "please Dad, let go, it's OK. We love you and will take care of our Mom. We don't want you to leave but Dad but it is harder to watch you in so much pain. It's OK Daddy, it's OK to leave us now and join your Heavenly father, your brother, your grandparents, Brandi's sweet Father..." You took a couple of last deep breaths and then you were gone...
Today as I read the obituary I want to go back to Sunday and say "DAD!!! Please don't leave me, please God, PLEASE cure my Daddy from this horrible disease and leave him here with us!!!! I NEED my Father, Dad and best friend!!! I NEED HIM!!!!" I can't imagine living without my PERFECT FATHER!! I NEED HIM..........
I LOVE YOU DAD............................
We just wanted to let you know that all of you are in our thoughts and prayers. We think a lot of your mom and dad, as I am sure many people do. Our lives are better by having known them. I know when I lost my father it was with a lot of different emotions. You cannot know your Mom and Dad and not know the Savior. As hard as it is to have them called home, it is just as great to know we will see them again. He, just as my Father and Marilyn's Mom are with us, will always be with you. Your Dad will be there when you ask yourself in times of need, "What would my Dad do?" You will feel him answer you simply by recalling the way he lived his life and loved his family. What great reference material and core he left you...one that will continue on in your family eternally.
ReplyDeleteWith Love...
Jeff & Marilyn Stowe
Reading an obituary in the paper, somehow makes it all seem so real. As you said, Kirk, it's like a slap in the face. Cold water being thrown on you. It is awful.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss, right now the loss is so greatly felt that you feel you can't go on without your dear father. But you will, you're his son, and he raised you right. Be strong and of a good courage.
He is proud of you, he is watching over you, he is saying "Howdy howdy" from up above.
Feel his presence, it is there. I am so sorry you're struggling, I won't say it will get better, because as much as a void as Gary's loss has been to all of us who read this blog, we cannot imagine how great a loss it is to you all.
Just know that we love you all, and we pray for your strength and for peace for you.
Sally
Dear Kirk,
ReplyDeleteSally and l are watching our Mother in the last stages of her life,as she declines and her heart and body just wear out. She is not suffering like our wonderful Gary did. She has lived 20 years longer than he did.But we understand your sadness, your pain and your loss.
What an amazing legacy our dear Gary left.You are such great, supportive and wonderful children. He was always so very proud of you all. You are great parents and examples to his grandchildren. What a blessing and comfort you must be to Raynee.
Gary was a perfect example of how we should live our lives. We all learned so much from him. He was giant of a man. He will live on in each one of you and in his grandchildren.
Thank you all so very nuch for creating this blog and giving us updates every single day.It helped us to be a part of Gary's life.It made us laugh and it made us cry. We love and appreciate you all.
May God bless and comfort each one of you during this difficult time.
Love from Linda Barlow.
To the Bengtzen family,
ReplyDeletePlease know that you have our family's deepest sympathy at the passing of this great man. My experience with Gary showed me that he was a man who lived the Gospel of Jesus Christ every day of his life, not just on Sundays. Through my association with Gary in the printing industry I gained a liking for him, but it was not until we combined our companies a couple of years ago that I really found out what an amazing person he was. When things began to go bad with the business Gary was always there to give encouragement and build your spirits. When things went even worse Gary never complained or pointed the finger of blame but instead only showed concern and did whatever he could to help build me up through a very difficult time. I don't know how many times he would give me a call just to see how I was doing and to say a kind word. Those phone calls meant a lot to me and were a great strength through a very difficult time. It's easy to be positive and supportive when things are going well but Gary did the same when things were really bad and to me that is the mark of a person with true integrity. I will greatly miss having Gary there to turn to for strength and support. We send you our love.
LaMar Hatch
Dear Kirk,
ReplyDeleteAs I read this I just sobbed for each of you. I'm sure that slowly but surely reality is starting to sink in. That's a hard thing to accept, a hard thing to imagine, that Gary won't be around. It's surreal. Dave & I keep saying "this can't be. There's no way......it happened so fast...."
I am sure that he is busy on the other side but will always watch over your mom, each of you; his children and grandchildren people he cherished more than life itself.
I know there are many of us that are reeling at the loss of Gary in our lives. He was such a positive force for goodness in countless lives. I didn't need to read this blog to know this reality, however it is evident by all that has been shared on this blog about him. He cared and loved his family and friends deeply. He was selfless. What a great example to emulate, as he was a true follower of our Savior Jesus Christ. What a legacy he leaves behind!
Our prayers and thoughts are with each of you today, tomorrow and for the days ahead. I know it won't be easy but I know that the Lord will ALWAYS be there to comfort you.
Our love to all of you.
Your forever friend,
Tammy Miller