Life decisions

Last night I called my family when I was leaving my office. It was after 9:00PM Mountain time, so it was after 11:00PM in Kentucky. Dad was asleep so I didn't get to talk with him. Mom put me on speaker and I was able to talk with everyone. We joked with everyone and made fun of Cory sleeping at the wheel 30,000 feet in the air. Thank heaven for the other pilot.

Mom said that Dad stayed awake the entire flight that was just over 4 hours. She laughed about how they made him try and walk around the plane for his daily exercise. She described Dad as i little kid in a candy store. He was so excited and had that humble smile that we all know so well on his face the entire time.

As we talked, I really struggled with not being there. I'm sure as everyone reads this blog, the main question everyone has but is reluctant to ask is "how long does Dad have with us on earth". I know that is a HUGE question in our family as well. All of us talk about it here and there and unfortunately none of us know the answer. If we knew the answer, would we do anything different???? Would it make things different? Well I am proud to say that I think all of our family is at peace with our time together, our loving relationships and the open communication we share. Our family is one of very few and I am sad for all the people in the world that don't have what we do. What a blessing...

I write this today because one thing about our family is that we are ALL very close. Our parents have done a fabulous job teaching us the importance of family and love for one another. They taught us through example not words. With that said, we all have "worldly responsibilities"that we try to balance. Some of the hardest decisions we make in life is between the balance of family and work. I have made the wrong decision many times and have paid dearly for them. By the grace of God, I have had a couple of wonderful years in "semi-retirement" and have spent time with my family that is absolutely priceless. My beautiful wife, kids and my parents have been able to see each other more than the last 10 years combined. I am so grateful for this.

Last night, as I saw the pictures of my parents, brothers and sister in Kentucky without me, I started to cry. There was people in my office and so I had to quickly pull myself together. I am so sorry Dad that I am not with all of you. I know you understand, but that is the way you are. You are the most understanding, non judgemental person I have ever known.

I am not on the "pity pot" (well maybe a little) but I am SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!! How can a man that has lived his life so righteously, so lovingly, so understandingly, etc. etc. have so little time left with us!!!!!!!!!! We all know the story of our saviour Jesus Christ. We all feel the incredible sadness of what he went through. After all, he died for US!!! In my 40 years of life I have accepted what he endured because it is justified through a belief of what we now have because of him.

Well, why does my dad have to go through this! Why does this pillar of a human being all of a sudden go from the rock of our family to a man in such incredible pain that he can't put thoughts together. Thoughts that generate from a mind that I only aspire to have one day? Why does my mother who ALWAYS puts others before herself have to watch her love of her life suffer???????????????????

I LOVE YOU MOM AND DAD! But I HATE what is happening! This is sooo wrong!!! There are evil people in this world that continue to live and hurt others every day. My life decisions can't hold a candle to the life that my Father has lead, NOT EVEN CLOSE! I know Mom doesn't like the "hate" word, but I HATE THIS, HATE THIS, HATE THIS TO THE CORE OF MY BONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is wrong!