Backwards Day

I am going to periodically post fun things the family has done.  We had a “Backwards Day” a few years ago.  We all dressed up with everything backwards and then had a fashion show where everyone walked the runway.  Afterwards we had a barbeque and swam.  You can see Dad in his Hawaiian shirt – more than anything, he loved to bbq for the family in his Hawaiian shirt!

Walking The Runway!

Nathan (Alicia's son) with Dad videoing in the background

Jen (Teague's wife)



Zak (Teague's son)

Dad



Teague, Caitlin (Teague's daughter), and Dad



The Perfect Sendoff!

The last few days have gone so quickly. We had no idea there was so much to do when getting ready for viewings and a funeral.

The viewing on Wednesday night was nothing short of amazing. Dad looked great and we were able to make the room look nice with a lot of memories of him.

Our family was so humbled and filled with gratitude as we saw hundreds of people take time out of their busy lives to pay their respects to Mom and Dad.  We felt badly the line was so long, but we wanted to talk for a few minutes with every person who came.  We could not believe how many people came that we knew from decades ago.  Many people seemed surprised that we actually turned out OK.  As we were leaving, the mortuary director told us that they had never had that many people at a viewing.

On Thursday we set up the church and started greeting people at about 10:00 and had the same experience.  Talking with people was the highlight of the two days for me.  At 11:45 the funeral director told us they had told the people in line that they could not see Gary and needed to go to the chapel.  We were so sad that we could not see everyone!

Tim (Dad’s brother) gave a beautiful family prayer and we slowly walked into the chapel.  All of us have cried so much over the last couple of weeks that we felt “cried out.” 

I think the funeral was just how Dad would have wanted it – upbeat and positive.  You have to understand that in our family there is a lot of joking with each other and each brother couldn’t pass up a good jab.  My mother has often said that a person needs a pretty healthy self esteem to be in this family.  The best part was when Cory finally came clean and admitted that HE was the one who wrecked the rental car in Kentucky.

The funniest moment of the funeral, however l was when the grandchildren stood up and sang Families Can Be Together Forever.  Jaxon (Cory’s son), Dawson (Kirk’s son), and Mason (Chris’ son) all started grabbing the microphone so they could sing in it.  Most people did not hear the music because everyone was laughing at the wannabe rock stars.  Mom later said that the microphone grabbing was the icing on the cake of the perfect funeral.

Rick (Alicia’s husband) opened the meeting with a touching prayer.  Rick and Dad have had a great relationship and Dad’s death has been as hard on him as it has the rest of us.  Jeff (Dad’s brother-in-law) did a great job of giving the life sketch and Brittani (Alicia’s daughter) played a very beautiful song on the piano.  After the four sons were finished, President Wood (Dad’s Stake President and friend) gave a great talk about the plan of salvation and what happens after we die.  At one point in President Woods’ talk he said that he knew that Dad had successfully finished everything he was supposed to in this life.  That was very comforting to me.  Scott Turner (Dad’s nephew) gave a great closing prayer.

The pall bearers were all of Dad’s sons (Kirk, Cory, Chris, and me), Rick, and the four oldest grandsons (Tyson, Zak, Nathan, and Braydan).  We carried the casket to the hearse and then drove to the mortuary.  It was very somber as we carried Dad to the plot.  Over the last several days the reality of Dad’s death has hit me at different times, but it was at this point that the finality of the situation started to sink in.  I performed the dedication of the grave.  Just before we left Kirk had several white doves that were released.  Then a few seconds later, Mom released a single white dove that joined the others and they flew off.  This was symbolizing Dad returning to his family.  The funny part was that the single dove flew around for a bit trying to find the others.  This was more symbolic than anyone realized because during his life, Dad was always lost.  Finally after watching the lone lost dove for a minute, Mom said, “that really is Gary because he is lost.”  Everyone burst out laughing.  All of the family members took a flower to remember Dad by and we went back to the church.

We want to thank all of the people who helped with the funeral and all of the kind women who had lunch waiting for us when we returned to the church.  The food was delicious and it was nice just to sit and not have any place to be.

Mom wanted me to write and tell everyone that she is humbled by the love people have shown her and the children during this difficult time.  She cannot believe how many people would come on such short notice to see her “sweet husband.”

The Viewing

The Funeral

What a Family

I am the newest spouse-ish of the family and I have had the least amount of time to spend with and get to know Gary. I have loved reading this blog and hearing stories. It has allowed me to get to know Gary so much more. I knew Gary and Raynee were such wonderful people but I had know idea just how much they are loved all over the world.

Every time I read a story or hear about what a special, honest, and loving man Gary was, one thing that always pops in my mind is THANK YOU! Through his example he has shown Chris how to be an honest, kind, loving, caring, genuine, sweet, strong, humble, funny, adorable man. Chris is such an amazing husband and father and I know for sure now where he gets it from! THANK YOU GARY!!

I am amazed how strong Raynee and her children are. It was something else to see the unselfishness of every one to set aside their personal lives and unite as a family. In this difficult time everyone has leaned on each other for support, comfort and laughs. The love everyone has for each other is so strong and reassuring.

I am so blessed to be a part of this family. I want to thank all of you for welcoming me and my boys into your family and instantly loving us and excepting us. You have no idea how much it truly means to me. We walked in the door and instantly became a part of the family. We were never judged or treated differently. I am especially thankful to each of you for treating Aiden and Mason no differently from the other nephews, cousins and grandchildren. Thank you Gary, Raynee , Teague, Jen, Caitlyn, Zak, Josh, Kirk, Brandi, Tyson, Brayden, Dawson, Alicia, Rick, Brittani, Nathan, Conner, Cory, Spring, Jaxon, Brena, and Rene.

Aiden and Mason will miss Grandpa Gary and little Kaders will miss out on knowing Grandpa Gary. I will cherish each memory I have of Gary and will share them time and time again with my children.

I love you so very much Chris and I wish there was a way I could take away your pain. The next few days are going to be rough but hang in there baby I am here for you in any way you need me.

Raynee... YOU CAN DO THIS! :)

Much love

Cassie

Dad,

This morning I woke up after 36 hours of running around, planning the funeral, helping Mom in any way I can, picking out a casket, writing your obituary with the family, etc. etc. I turned on the computer to make sure your obituary was up and I had a complete melt down.

All of a sudden I got slapped across the face with the very harsh reality that you won't be calling my phone to check in on me like you did daily, you won't be walking through the door saying "howdy howdy", you won't be coming up to the dealership just to say hi, you won't be at Tyson's birthday dinner tonight, YOU JUST WON'T BE THERE ANY MORE...

As our family gathered around your bed on Sunday, I climbed into bed with you and slid between you and mom sliding my arms and legs around your body. All of your kids had a hand on your sweet, cancer infested body and I put my cheek on yours. I then put my lips next to your ear and whispered to you "please Dad, let go, it's OK. We love you and will take care of our Mom. We don't want you to leave but Dad but it is harder to watch you in so much pain. It's OK Daddy, it's OK to leave us now and join your Heavenly father, your brother, your grandparents, Brandi's sweet Father..." You took a couple of last deep breaths and then you were gone...

Today as I read the obituary I want to go back to Sunday and say "DAD!!! Please don't leave me, please God, PLEASE cure my Daddy from this horrible disease and leave him here with us!!!! I NEED my Father, Dad and best friend!!! I NEED HIM!!!!" I can't imagine living without my PERFECT FATHER!! I NEED HIM..........

I LOVE YOU DAD............................

Keep the Stories Coming!

Today we met with the funeral home and made the arrangements for Dad.  After the sticker shock of spending A LOT of money for the funeral, I recommend that everyone tries to find some deals now on these kinds of things.  However, if you have to face something like this, I strongly recommend taking Kirk along to do your negotiations! :)

After the funeral home, Grandma Rene, Grandma Betty, Mom, and all the kids and spouses (except Spring whom we missed) went to lunch. We talked about how surreal this still is and we keep waiting for Dad to come in at any minute.  We love him so much!!

We also talked about how peaceful yesterday was.  We realized that we all had the same question – why did we all gather in Dad’s room shortly before he passed??  All of us had been in and out of his room all day, but for some reason we all gathered in the room about 20 minutes before he quietly left us – another blessing for our great family.  I failed to mention one very tender moment.  Before they took Dad’s body away, several people went over to Dad to say goodbye.  When it was Grandma Betty’s turn, she walked over to him, held his hand, kissed him on the forehead, and said, “I am so proud to be your mother.”  I realized how strong she was being through this difficult time.  Both Grandma Betty and Mom have shown us how their fervent testimony of what is to come gives them strength to endure one of the hardest challenges they will ever face.

The funeral is set for Thursday with viewings on Wednesday night and Thursday before the funeral.  We look forward to seeing you there so we can have one more celebration of this great man's life!

We want to keep this blog going for a little longer because we think people have more they want to write about Dad.  Your stories give us strength, and, while we knew Dad was amazing, your stories have taught us that he was a much greater man than we ever realized!

Please keep your stories coming!

Dad's Obituary

Raise the banner high! Gary has finished his earthly work and is beginning his new mission in service to the Savior.  Service has ever been his watchword and his mission here on Earth.  Gary was born on February 18, 1947 to Robert Walker and Betty Jo Kartchner Bengtzen in Salt Lake City, Utah.  He passed away just two days after his 64^th birthday after a short, but heroic battle with cancer.

Gary served an LDS mission to the British Isles where he made many friendships he still cherishes today. While in his 50’s, Gary had the opportunity to serve the Lord with Raynee in France for 18 glorious months.  Gary loved France!

Gary married the love of his life, Raynee Chidester, in the Salt Lake Temple on October 23, 1968. Gary treasured his family above all. He was happiest when he was in a Hawaiian shirt barbequing for his family by the pool. 

Gary spent his life serving the Lord and held many callings in the LDS church including Bishop, member of the Stake Presidency, Young Men’s President, missionary, and for the last eight years serving the young adults across the Salt Lake Valley. Gary spent a great deal of time serving others including many trips to Mexico to distribute eyeglasses, years of help with the Christmas Wish, and years in Rotary and Kiwanis.

Gary loved the sunshine, convertibles, the beach, and relaxing by the pool. He spent much of his life in the printing industry where he made many lifelong friends.

Gary is survived by his eternal wife Raynee, Children Teague (Jennifer), Kirk (Brandi), Alicia (Rick) Finlayson, Cory (Spring), and Chris (Cassie), 14 Grandchildren, Parents Robert and Betty Jo, Raynee’s parents Ken and Rene Chidester, Siblings Myke Branch, Tim (Barbara) and Suzie Turner, Kelly (Ginny) Chidester, and Kathy (Jeff) Kjar. Preceded in death by his brother Kay.

There will be viewings on Wednesday February 23^rd from 6:30 – 8:30pm at Wasatch Lawn (3401 S. Highland Dr.) and Thursday February 24^th from 10:00 – 11:45am at the Salt Lake Highland Stake Center (2738 S. Filmore St. (1550 East)). Services will be held Thursday February 23^rd at noon at the Salt Lake Highland Stake Center (2738 S. Filmore St. (1550 East)).

In lieu of flowers, please send donations to www.bacausa.com (St. George chapter).

To learn more about his story or go to www.garysmiracles.blogspot.com.

Dad, thank you for your amazing example!  We love you!

Evening Update

This has been the longest and shortest 6 weeks of my life. 

As my cousin and I sat by Dad who had been unresponsive for a couple of days, I showed him a picture of Dad and I outside walking around.  Dad was walking with a walker.  The picture shows Dad smiling while we walked.  My cousin said, “Was that two or three weeks ago?”  I quickly responded “that was Tuesday.”  He said, “A week ago Tuesday?”  I said, “Last Tuesday…4 days ago.”  He sat in amazement wondering if that was possible.

I am sitting in the living room as I write this with some of my siblings and spouses.  One of them just asked, “Is this real? I keep waiting for him to come in the room.”  We are all in shock. We knew it was coming, yet when it finally happened it was so sad.

The family came at different times and was all here by about noon.  The nurse was here and told us that Dad’s blood pressure was down and his heart rate was up which meant he was in the final stages.  At one point Dad stopped breathing and he said that it was time.  I ran out to grab Chris and Alicia but when we returned he was breathing again. We all sat in Dad’s bedroom for awhile but realized it might not happen for a bit.  Some people stayed and others went into the main part of the house.  About 2:45 we all gathered in the bedroom again.  It was a beautiful site!  Mom, all the kids and spouses, all of the grandkids who wanted to be in the room, Grandma Betty, and Aunt Suzie were gathered in the room.  Some people were on the bed, some were holding his hands, and everyone watched his every breath.  As I looked around the room I realized that this is exactly the way Dad would want it.  I am so proud of my siblings because I believe they all kept the promise we made to each other…we would have no regrets.

About 3:10 his breathing become more labored and finally took his last sweet breath. There were many tears. We knew it was coming but when the time finally came it was impossible to hold the tears back.  I have to admit, I was questioning whether I wanted to actually be in the room when he passed.  To my surprise, it was a very peaceful and spiritual experience.  For the next couple of hours different family members sat next to Dad and told stories and cried.  When they came to get his body, we did not want him to leave…it seemed so final.

For 14 years my father has been my best friend.  Even last night I had a question and thought to myself, “I need to call Dad and ask him.” I am not sure when it will actually set in that he is gone.

My mother continues to be the rock of our family.  She spent the rest of the day comforting and serving everyone.  We had a great dinner (thank you, thank you Bunny and RaeAnn!) and are now sitting in the living room not knowing what to do.

We are meeting with the funeral home in the morning and will let everyone know when the funeral will be.

I close with a verse from a favorite hymn:

“What greater gift dost thou bestow, what greater goodness can we know than Christ-like friends, whose gentle ways strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

When such a friend from us departs, we hold forever in our hearts a sweet and hallowed memory, bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.

For worthy friends whose lives proclaim devotion to the Savior’s name, who bless our days with peace and love, we praise thy goodness, Lord above.”

3:15PM today...

Mom and Dad holding hands...

At 3:15PM today our precious Father returned to his Lord. He was surrounded by his eternal wife, all of his children, grandchildren, his mother and sister. We will miss him dearly even though we are so grateful that he is out of pain. The past couple of days have been so hard for him. WE LOVE YOU FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for all of your support the past 50+ days. Please understand that today we would like to just be with our family and celebrate our Perfect Father's life...

Saturday Evening Update

Today was a hard day.  Mom and Dad had a rough night – we think it was because the nurse said we could give Dad some steroids before the party to help him be as alert as possible.  As we said last night, he did respond a little at the party, however he was pretty “fidgety” through the night.  They were able to get some rest this morning for a couple of hours.  We are very grateful that Kirk and Chris are spending the nights there because Mom really needs their help during the night.

Today we had a great surprise as Si (Dad’s nephew) and Wanda and their family drove from California to be with us.  We were able to visit with them and see their beautiful kids. They just wanted to see Dad, which they were able to do, and are driving home tomorrow.

The hospice nurse came this morning and said that Dad’s blood pressure and heart rate were still very good.  He told us of some signs we should start seeing, some of which we have already seen.  This is a very tough time because whenever we see anything different we wonder if the time has come.  None of us want to see him in pain and are not sure why he is hanging on.  Cory was stuck at his house because of a storm, but the rest of the kids and Mom gathered in his bedroom to tell him that we were OK with his leaving, that we would take care of Mom, and that we would all stick together.

Caitlin (my daughter) was able to see him this afternoon.  We were glad that she was able to come home from college to be with us.  She is the last of Dad’s grandkids to say goodbye.  Grandma Betty and Suzie spent most of the day with us as well.

We had a great dinner tonight as a family (thank you, thank you Tammy and Dave!).  Si and his family joined us as well.

We have spent a lot of time as a family reading stories and memories of Dad from the comments made by others.  It strengthens us to read so many great experiences about our father.  I get excited to wake up every morning and read what so many of you are saying.  I have been touched by how many people tell us that this blog has strengthened them.  The original intent of this blog was to simply keep others informed of Dad’s condition.  It caught us unawares when it took a life of its own and became an incredible source of strength and optimism – we have you to thank for that.  Your comments have kept us going when we were sad, made us want to fight when defeat was knocking, and helped us realize that Gary’s Miracle was how many people he touched for good.  The truth is that we can all do that.  I for one need to do a better job at looking for ways to strengthen the feeble knee, help those in need, and offer a smile and helping hand to everyone I come in contact with.  Mom and Dad’s life has been filled with selfless acts along the way – some large and some small.  The stories posted on this blog show that those selfless acts made a huge difference in someone’s life and they have never forgotten it.

Dad understood the scripture, “And though I have the gift of prophesy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.”

Morning Update...

I included these pictures because THIS is how we should remember Dad in his back room chair...

Good morning everyone,

Thanks again for everyone around the world participating in out Father's 64th birthday. As you could see from Teague's post last night, there was a lot of people here and it was an amazing sight.

Mom and I sat next to Dad inside the house and it was amazing to watch him as everyone sang. Dad continued to fight to lean forward, open his eyes and smile. I was full of emotion as I watched so many wonderful people stand in front of my parent's home, holding candles, signing, waiving, all in honor of this special man. People would make their way up close to the window and Mom and I would tell Dad who was standing there. He would instantly pull himself forward, try to lift his hand to waive and would smile with that beautiful smile that I will miss SOOOO MUCH!!!!!

THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE!!!!

While Cory, Chris and i helped get Dad ready for the big event, we were getting him dressed and Mom reached up and kissed him. As she zoomed in for another kiss, Dad puckered up and kissed her back. Mom and all of us got emotional because of this special moment and Mom said "Gary, that's the best gift I could ever have..." Even though Dad couldn't talk, couldn't open his eyes very well, couldn't stand or sit up on his own, he still know his wife and finds a way to show his love and affection. WOW, AMAZING!!!

The night was difficult because Dad struggles to get comfortable. Since he can't talk anymore, it is very hard to figure out what he wants or needs. We were up a couple of times and I am so grateful that Chris is sleeping here with me now. There is NO WAY Mom and I could have taken care of Dad last night without him. It takes all of Chris' and my strength to hold Dad, move him to use the restroom and put him back in bed.

Yesterday morning as Chris, Mom and I were helping Dad use the restroom, I decided to sing Happy Birthday to him. It was about 4AM and Chris rolled his eyes and began to laugh as I sang out loud. As I neared the end of the song I sang "Happy birthday my sweet, perfect loving father... everyone loves you..." Dad smiled softly at the end and I think even gave a chuckle or two during the song. I feel bad because since I was holding him up, I was very close to his face and I probably killed him with my morning breath. Maybe the chuckle was him gagging, shoot! Sorry Dad! However, I feel a little better because the punishment I gave him with my breath was NOTHING compared to when Mom began singing happy birthday in her loud Oprah voice... OUCH MOM!!! Really, 4:00AM in your loud Oprah voice... LOL!!!

We all laughed and laughed and then Chris began feeling a little dizzy and sick. He said it might have been the early morning witnessing of Dad using the rest room but I'm pretty confident it was Mom's and my singing. Sorry Chris!

Dad and Mom are sleeping right now. Chris and I are sitting in silence hoping both of them get some much needed rest. I am so grateful to serve my parents right now, as I know the rest of my family is too. I was asked yesterday if there is anything I need to still say to my father? I am very, very grateful that our family has had this opportunity to love, hold, kiss my Dad and tell him all the things we want him to hear. Dad has heard what I want him to hear from me, my wife and our beautiful children. I am blessed for that, truly blessed in a time where I feel so much wrong is happening to my perfect Father...

I LOVE YOU DADDY!!!!

Birthday Evening Update

We spent the day getting ready for the party tonight.  Cassie went shopping for all the food for tonight.  Then Alicia, Jen, and Cassie made rolls and cut up fruit. 

A hospice person came in and gave Dad a bath.  He sat in the living room most of the day and slept.  He did have a couple of tender moments today - first when one of his old Bishops came by and the second when a long time co-worker talked to him before the party.  Dad seemed to recognize both of them.

7:30 finally came – we have been looking forward to this all week.  We have all been praying that Dad would last until his birthday.  We thought the family would stay in with Dad and watch the people sing to him. Some of the family members were too emotional to go out so they stayed in with Dad. Some of the family could not resist to go out and talk with people.  There were about 100 people in the driveway!  It lifted my spirits to talk with people and hear from so many how much Dad has helped them and told me of their love for Mom and Dad.

We sang Happy Birthday and then Come Come Ye Saints.  There were very few dry eyes as we sang, “And should we die before our journey’s through, happy day! All is well.”  Silently we all knew that Dad’s journey was coming to an end.  Dad actually sat up and opened his eyes.  He smiled a lot and at one point even waved to the children who were standing in front of the window.  It was everything we could have hoped for!

After the songs were over people watched the floating lanterns fly away – they were very beautiful!  Erin (Dad’s niece) made 200 cupcakes for everyone who came.  Many people stayed for quite awhile while they ate and reminisced. After everyone left, the family came inside and ate dinner.  We want to thank Erin for the cupcakes and Kathy (Dad’s sister-in-law) for making the banner and bringing all the candles!!

Every day Dad slips a little closer to the inevitable and as we put him down tonight we realized that today might be the last that he wakes up.  What a perfect tribute to a wonderful, wonderful man.  There is an old French proverb that I love, it says, “There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.”  Sleep well Dad on your soft pillow.

What a great Night!!!

Candles lined the entire driveway

There were about 100 people to sing to Dad

(from the outside looking in at Dad)

The children gathered in front of the window to sing and wave to Dad

A birthday poster (made by Kathy)

People singing

The lighting of the floating lanterns

Ride Again

Father,

We got here last night and I held your hand for a long time. You woke up and acknowledged Cassie and our baby Kade. You put your hands out and Kade held your fingers for a minute. It probably was the most moving thing for me all week, sitting there looking at my father and my baby boy holding hands, knowing that baby Kade won't be able to get to know this most amazing man, the man who taught me to love, to be kind and how to be a father, husband and everything else. Kade you will get to know him through me. I will do everything I can to be as good of a father to you, Aiden, and Mason. Cassie, you will get to know him better through me too, by trying to love you and be the best man that he has showed me how to be.

Dad, as i sit here next you you in mom's chair I am thinking that I have wanted to ride with you for some time now. last year mom and I got you a street bike for Christmas, it wasn't a Harley but we had to do it in baby steps ;-) I have wanted to take off and just hit the road with you knowing the wind was in our face and you were right there with me.

When I was little some of our fun times we spent together was riding motorcycles. we had so much fun. you taught me to ride my first motorcycle when I was 8 years old.

we would go out almost every Saturday and ride bikes together.

I am sitting here also thinking about the birthday presents I was trying to put together for you before we found out you had cancer the present was a trip for all the boys in the family. You, Teague, Kirk, Rick, Cory, and your brother Tim were going to rent Harley's from Vegas (i am sure Tim would have found somewhere to rent a Honda) we were going to do a 3 day road trip on the bikes. It was going to be this weekend, I had it all planned out, we had two night stays at really cool places and we were going to go ride some of the old rout 66. i know it is something that you would have loved to do.

We will ride again on the other side my father, we will ride again!

I love you!

Chris

A small update

Dad is not responding much today. the nurse said "he can hear us but he is not participating".

I am looking forward to hearing the singing and honking tonight.

thanks for all of your love and what you mean to my parents and our family!

my parents are very loving and are very loved!

Thursday Evening Update

We counted today a success because the power stayed on the entire day!  :)  Dad was the same as yesterday – he slept the whole day and would occasionally open his eyes for a few seconds, give us one of his amazing smiles, and then fall back asleep.  The nurse came by (they have started coming by daily now) and said he has moved into the next stage when his body is getting rid of all the excess fluid.  She said his heart was very strong and she could tell that he had been in good physical shape.  She said that in her opinion this was the best way to go because Dad seems very comfortable and in very little pain.  He will just continue sleeping and waking up occasionally until one day he doesn’t wake up.  I guess she is right, but this is my Dad…he is 64 years old…this isn’t supposed to happen for another 20 or 30 years!  Why didn’t he pay attention to his forefathers – his Grandma Mammy lived a long life, both of his parents are still alive, both of his in-laws are still alive…

Dad had a visit from his cousin and a good friend, both of whom when they spoke to him he opened his eyes and smiled so we knew they recognized him. 

Chris and his family came up and will spend the next few days with us up here in Zion (sorry Chris, I had to!).  Tonight was great!!  The whole family was at Mom and Dad’s for dinner tonight (except Caitlin who is coming home from college on Saturday).  We had a lot of great food (thank you, thank you Lisa!!!).  We laughed and cried.  Dad woke up a couple of times and said a few words and gave his smile.  I realized tonight how much I look forward to that smile – I think I will miss that most of all.  He has a way of looking at you, and with a smile, making you feel as if everything was OK.

One funny thing that happened…Dad was standing up (with Mom and Kirk’s help) and mom hugged him and gave him a kiss.  As she was hugging him she held his hand and stuck them out as if they were dancing.  She then said to him, “Hey Gary, should we dance?”  He looked at her, smiled, and said, “Who should lead?”  It was very sweet!

Grandma Betty and Jen went through pictures most of the day.  It was fun for them to reflect on so many good memories.  Grandma Rene and Aunt Kathy also stopped by and visited for a while.  Kathy is working on a tribute video for Dad that we are all excited about.

This afternoon a woman who plays the harp for people with terminal illnesses came by.  She took Dad’s pulse to get an idea of how he was feeling and then played for 30 minutes.  It was very peaceful and beautiful.  I don’t know how Dad felt about it but it put Grandma Betty to sleep!

One more funny thing…when one of Mom’s friends stopped by he saw Grandma Betty and said, “Well, hi, you must be Grandma Betty.” Grandma looked startled and said, “Yes I am, have we met?”  He said, “No we haven’t, but I read the blog every day and feel like I know you.”  We laughed.  Grandma had no idea she was a celebrity!

We hope you will join us for Dad's Party on Friday!!

The harpist playing for Dad

Mom feeding Dad

Grandma Betty taking comforting Dad

Alicia comforting Dad

It's a Party!

Tomorrow is Dad’s birthday and we are so excited.  We want to show him how much we love him.  With the help of a lot of people we have come up with the following:

Friday February 18^th

7:30pm Gather in driveway to sing Happy Birthday and Come Come Ye Saints (one of Dad’s favorite hymns)

7:40pm Lighting of floating lanterns (like in the movie Tangled)

7:40 – 8:30pm People drive by to see the floating lanterns and honk to express their love for Gary

Gary's and Raynee's address is 2955 South 1500 East in Salt Lake City

We will have candles for people to hold and a huge card for people to sign for Dad

Dad will not be able to visit with anyone, but he will see and hear people singing to him and hear the horns!

Twooo Luv (is what bwings us toogetha today)

When the time was getting close for their second Christmas together, Mom and Dad had no money.  They had the cutest little boy who was 14 months old, but no money.  They decided that they could spend $7 on each other because that was all they had.  Mom bought Dad a motorcycle poster and as usual, she went over budget (Mom wants me to say that the only reason she went over budget was that she and Grandpa Ken (her Dad) spent hours working on the frame and needed a lot of supplies). Dad bought Mom a wallet and the picture below. This picture is significant, not only because it summarizes their entire marriage, but because this picture has hung in every house we have lived in.  As kids, we saw this picture all the time but had no idea that it held any significance. It wasn’t until years later that Mom told us about it. It has always been very special to her.  I have never thought it was a great picture (sorry Dad), but I realized that what it represents to the two of them is priceless.

Legacy of Faith

I love reading about our family's ancestors. I love getting to know them as I read a new story or find a new piece of information about them. It has been a fun journey that has made me excited to want to meet them. I am looking forward to it one day...although I can wait. It is important to tell our stories to our posterity. I am so grateful for this blog. It will be a valuable record for our children and grandchildren.

One of my favorite movies is Legacy. It tells the story of pioneers who crossed the plains to come to Utah. Both of Teague's lines are filled with people who came across the plains in these wagon and hand cart companies. My parent's lines have many pioneer ancestors as well. I have really enjoyed learning about these industrious and faithful people. I can't help but think that Teague's people knew my people because they were both in St. George at the same time.

As I was reflecting on this Legacy movie, I remembered a line in there about one woman leaving her posterity a legacy of faith. I know that Gary is doing that by his example. I love him so much. He has been my husband's best friend and confidant. It's been scary at times how alike they are. Gary has always been a quiet pillar of strength. I am so grateful for his example to our family. It was always comforting to have him work side by side with Teague in the business.

But today I have been reflecting on Raynee's example. I told Teague the other day that Raynee's legacy is one of showing us how we should act when we are faced with difficult trials. Gary is showing us how he is gracefully dealing with the wretched cancer as it afflicts his body. But as Raynee faces all of the other challenges, she is quietly teaching us that we need to face our trials with our heads held high, setting our eyes forward and on the mark and then pressing on, enduring to the end. Her optimistic attitude is infectious. "We can be sad for a moment and then get up and be happy...it doesn't do anybody any good to sit around and complain or be unhappy."

I think of my all time hero in the Bible, Queen Esther and the similarities between she and Raynee. The famous line that her Uncle Mordecai said to her was, "who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" Esther went on to do something absolutely brave and amazing for the Jewish nation. She saved an entire people because of her faith, obedience and courage. Who knows Raynee, whether thou art come to this point for such a time as this? I know that Heavenly Father is at the helm. He is leading and guiding and walking beside you. You and Gary have been brought to such a time as this to do a good work. And it will manifest itself. Miracles have already occurred in our lives because of this. God lives. He loves you and is mindful of this situation. Jesus has risen and He lives and knows you individually. I KNOW that you know that. And because He lives, families can be together forever.

Just like reading our ancestors' stories or reading from the scriptures, Gary and Raynee's story is filled with faith, courage, and obedience. I am so grateful to them for this. Thank you for your legacy to all of us!

Raynee, on behalf of your sons, daughter, daughters in law, son in law, grandchildren, friends, neighbors, parents, in laws, sister, brother, and everyone else who comes in contact with you, we thank you for your example to us of staying faithful and true.

I am so glad I have been a part of this wonderful family for the last 20 years! Time flies when you're having fun!!!

Wednesday Evening Report

Today was a very somber day. Dad slept almost the whole day and was never really coherent.  He smiled a few times, but that was all. We had a nurse come to the house and explain in detail the stages we will see him go through as he slowly drifts asleep. Never have I wanted time to pass so slowly only to see it go so quickly.  Listening to the nurse made us realize how hard the next several days will be.  We have been prepared for his passing for a couple of weeks, yet did not understand what the last days would be like.  We cried a lot, yet somehow we were able to laugh a lot as well.  Mom continues to be a rock, yet I realized yesterday she has assumed the role of the leader of our family with grace and strength.  I have never been so impressed with her as I have these last few weeks.

Myke (Dad’s sister-in-law) and Suzie (Dad’s sister) came over and visited.  It was nice to see them.  This is especially difficult for members of Dad’s family who lost Kay (Dad’s brother) 17 years ago.  Myke was so worried about Mom because she has felt those same pains as Kay passed away.  Everyone remained upbeat.  Two days ago Dad said that the last few days have been great for him – that is how we want all these days to be!  A couple of weeks ago I read an article where they interviewed Patrick Swayze’s wife and I have remembered something she said.  She said, “As frightening as the situation was, I needed to function, I needed to be there for him.  And, if this was not going to end will, I could cry later.”  This is good advice.

Jen and I spent the day with Mom.  She was able to get about an hour of sleep which she so desperately needs right now.  Grandma Betty stayed the whole day and most of the time just sat by Dad and held his hand.  Kathy (Mom’s sister) spent the day cleaning the house and would yell at us if we tried to help (she is amazing!).  Grandma Rene came by and had lunch with us.  Kirk mentioned this on the blog ,and I echo it, we are so blessed to have both Grandmas be such a big part of our life.

The fun part began about 4:00 when the power went out.  As it started getting dark RaeAnn (one of Mom’s best friends) came over and said her husband John was bringing a generator.  As the rest of the house was pitch dark, we ate great Chinese food that Kirk brought.  It was an adventure as we had 3 lamps lit in the front room.  Zak and Josh (my kids) were there and loved getting everything we needed because they had the flashlights.  The power finally came on about 8:30.

Grandma Betty, Suzie (Dad's sister), Myke (Dad's sister-in-law), and Dad

(Suzie wanted me to put that it was really windy outside and she was having a bad hair day)

Courtney, Ashley (Dad's Nieces), Dad, and Mom

Some Love from Down South

Mom and Dad,

I have been struggling. I live 4 hours away from you guys!

I can't come by for lunch, come by after work, take a half day off, or spend the night with you because of my geographical location.

I envy my brothers and sister that they are with in an hour of you.

I think about you two so damn much! there isn't ONE moment that goes by in my days that i am not thinking about you guys, our family or the evil thing called cancer.

All growing up our house was like a hotel.

We always had people staying with us that were in need of help. You two would sit down and talk before any one would move in and see if it would benefit that persons life, and/or if it would hinder our family in any way.

Dad i am sure you had the pro's and cons on one page like you would always have us do on any decision that we would come to you for help on.

If you thought it could help someone get back on their feet or better that persons life you guys would take them on like they were your own and teach them what they needed to learn or just let them stay until they needed to move on. because of your kind hearts and willing, no, WANTING to help everyone you two possibly could, we were able to get the best brother in law we could ever ask for! so many lives were changed, and so many people were effected due to your love and compassion for others, and wanting others to succeed in life.

You two are the true examples of Christ.

You guys would teach me to not judge people. that can be so hard at times! but you guys showed me the way people SHOULD BE through your actions! you guys love people for who they are and not their decisions. (mom you did hint on a mission for many many years ha ha) but you love me for me no mater what i did, no matter when I got in trouble for mooning the third graders at Carden, all the fights that I got in, my broken noses, when Cory and I borrowed your car, when I wrecked your car doing donuts (of age), fires I started, Shane and I ditching school in kindergarten, all the windows we shot our with B B guns, or even when the cops showed up at your door.

You still loved all of us for us!

Mom and dad you amaze me every day!

You two are the best!

I love you more than i could ever put in to words.

I will be there tomorrow

Chris

here are some pics from last weekend

My Mom Dad and our family

My dad feeding Kade

(my 5 month old baby boy)

Mason, Cassie, Dad, Me, Baby Kade, Aiden

Me and my Pops

Morning Update...

Dad had a good night. The Hospice Oncologist gave us a new cocktail of drugs to help Dad sleep through the night and it worked wonderfully. He slept from about 9:30PM-6:30AM. YA HOOO!!!!

Grandma Betty flew in last night and she was like a kid in a candy store when I picked her up. She didn't say one thing about me driving 20 MPH over the speed limit. Frankly, if I had to guess, she was wanting me to drive even faster... When we arrived at my parent's, She and my Dad embraced and it was one of the most special moments I have been part of. What a beautiful man loved, honored and raised by such a beautiful woman.

As everyone writes about Dad and how he is such a special person, I have to give credit to his parents. Bob and Betty have always been such a loving, respectful, spiritual example for all of us. I am so lucky to have 4 perfect grandparents. My Dad's parent's and my Mom's parents are truly some of the best people God ever created. To have all four of them still alive at my age is amazing. Another blessing from God. Both Grandmas (Betty and Rene) are sharp, healthy and VERY witty. In fact, both of them know exactly what to say to put me in my place and yet at the same time they make me feel so much love from them. Rene and Betty, you are loved sooooo much by all of us!!!

This is a short update which is a good thing...

Evening Update

Dad had a great day today!

Brandi was kind enough to spend the day with Mom and Dad.  She helped Dad do some walking and helped Mom with a store run and a bank run.  Thank you Brandi!!

We are not sure what happened but Dad had a ton of energy today.  He went outside a few times and walked around the house quite a bit.  I arrived about 4:00 and was talking to Dad when all of a sudden he said, “I want to go for a walk.”  Usually this means around the house…not this time and he headed for the front door. He then said he wanted to go outside which we did. Then down the stairs, then down the driveway, then along the sidewalk and up the other side of the driveway.  When he returned to the front porch he walked up the stairs and into the house.  I was in shock!  This was the most he has done in a long time.

Today his Bishop came by and visited which seemed to raise Mom’s spirits. We also had Courtney and Ashley (Dad’s nieces) come for a short visit – they even brought dad some roses.  When they were ready to leave Dad stood up and told me he wanted to walk them to the door.  He is always the consummate gentleman.  One of Dad’s former Bishops and good friend came over to give Mom and Dad a present (see pic below).  His daughter Britta had painted a picture of the two of them when they were in charge of the Stake Trek a few years ago.  It was amazing!!  Britta, we are all very impressed!

This evening we were visited by the doctor who works for hospice.  She was a doctor who had been spoken of highly and we really liked her.  She said her goal is to help Dad and all of us be comfortable.  Again, Dad insisted on walking her to the door.

Grandma Betty flew into town tonight and Kirk brought her to the house.  It was great to see her.  She walked in, knelt by Dad, grabbed his hand, and said, “I just need to touch you.”  Sometimes we get caught up in our own world and forget all the people who are hurting with this…a mother, a father, a wife, children, grandchildren, a brother, a sister, a brother-in-law, a sister-in-law, and the list goes on.  Dad asked Grandma to say the prayer on dinner.  In the prayer she asked that we would all be comforted through this and be able to see the positive.  So far we have and I truly hope it continues.

Dad and Teague

Where did all this energy come from??

Brandi, Dad, Dawson, and Braydan

30 minutes after this picture Dawson and Braydan got their hair chopped off!

Grandma Betty, Dad, Mom, and Kirk

The picture Britta drew of Mom and Dad

This picture is a little dark but the painting is really amazing!

Thanks Britta!!!

Dad, Mom, Matt, and Jessica (Dad's niece and nephew)

They visted last week