Backwards Day

I am going to periodically post fun things the family has done.  We had a “Backwards Day” a few years ago.  We all dressed up with everything backwards and then had a fashion show where everyone walked the runway.  Afterwards we had a barbeque and swam.  You can see Dad in his Hawaiian shirt – more than anything, he loved to bbq for the family in his Hawaiian shirt!

Walking The Runway!

Nathan (Alicia's son) with Dad videoing in the background

Jen (Teague's wife)



Zak (Teague's son)

Dad



Teague, Caitlin (Teague's daughter), and Dad



The Perfect Sendoff!

The last few days have gone so quickly. We had no idea there was so much to do when getting ready for viewings and a funeral.

The viewing on Wednesday night was nothing short of amazing. Dad looked great and we were able to make the room look nice with a lot of memories of him.

Our family was so humbled and filled with gratitude as we saw hundreds of people take time out of their busy lives to pay their respects to Mom and Dad.  We felt badly the line was so long, but we wanted to talk for a few minutes with every person who came.  We could not believe how many people came that we knew from decades ago.  Many people seemed surprised that we actually turned out OK.  As we were leaving, the mortuary director told us that they had never had that many people at a viewing.

On Thursday we set up the church and started greeting people at about 10:00 and had the same experience.  Talking with people was the highlight of the two days for me.  At 11:45 the funeral director told us they had told the people in line that they could not see Gary and needed to go to the chapel.  We were so sad that we could not see everyone!

Tim (Dad’s brother) gave a beautiful family prayer and we slowly walked into the chapel.  All of us have cried so much over the last couple of weeks that we felt “cried out.” 

I think the funeral was just how Dad would have wanted it – upbeat and positive.  You have to understand that in our family there is a lot of joking with each other and each brother couldn’t pass up a good jab.  My mother has often said that a person needs a pretty healthy self esteem to be in this family.  The best part was when Cory finally came clean and admitted that HE was the one who wrecked the rental car in Kentucky.

The funniest moment of the funeral, however l was when the grandchildren stood up and sang Families Can Be Together Forever.  Jaxon (Cory’s son), Dawson (Kirk’s son), and Mason (Chris’ son) all started grabbing the microphone so they could sing in it.  Most people did not hear the music because everyone was laughing at the wannabe rock stars.  Mom later said that the microphone grabbing was the icing on the cake of the perfect funeral.

Rick (Alicia’s husband) opened the meeting with a touching prayer.  Rick and Dad have had a great relationship and Dad’s death has been as hard on him as it has the rest of us.  Jeff (Dad’s brother-in-law) did a great job of giving the life sketch and Brittani (Alicia’s daughter) played a very beautiful song on the piano.  After the four sons were finished, President Wood (Dad’s Stake President and friend) gave a great talk about the plan of salvation and what happens after we die.  At one point in President Woods’ talk he said that he knew that Dad had successfully finished everything he was supposed to in this life.  That was very comforting to me.  Scott Turner (Dad’s nephew) gave a great closing prayer.

The pall bearers were all of Dad’s sons (Kirk, Cory, Chris, and me), Rick, and the four oldest grandsons (Tyson, Zak, Nathan, and Braydan).  We carried the casket to the hearse and then drove to the mortuary.  It was very somber as we carried Dad to the plot.  Over the last several days the reality of Dad’s death has hit me at different times, but it was at this point that the finality of the situation started to sink in.  I performed the dedication of the grave.  Just before we left Kirk had several white doves that were released.  Then a few seconds later, Mom released a single white dove that joined the others and they flew off.  This was symbolizing Dad returning to his family.  The funny part was that the single dove flew around for a bit trying to find the others.  This was more symbolic than anyone realized because during his life, Dad was always lost.  Finally after watching the lone lost dove for a minute, Mom said, “that really is Gary because he is lost.”  Everyone burst out laughing.  All of the family members took a flower to remember Dad by and we went back to the church.

We want to thank all of the people who helped with the funeral and all of the kind women who had lunch waiting for us when we returned to the church.  The food was delicious and it was nice just to sit and not have any place to be.

Mom wanted me to write and tell everyone that she is humbled by the love people have shown her and the children during this difficult time.  She cannot believe how many people would come on such short notice to see her “sweet husband.”

The Viewing

The Funeral

What a Family

I am the newest spouse-ish of the family and I have had the least amount of time to spend with and get to know Gary. I have loved reading this blog and hearing stories. It has allowed me to get to know Gary so much more. I knew Gary and Raynee were such wonderful people but I had know idea just how much they are loved all over the world.

Every time I read a story or hear about what a special, honest, and loving man Gary was, one thing that always pops in my mind is THANK YOU! Through his example he has shown Chris how to be an honest, kind, loving, caring, genuine, sweet, strong, humble, funny, adorable man. Chris is such an amazing husband and father and I know for sure now where he gets it from! THANK YOU GARY!!

I am amazed how strong Raynee and her children are. It was something else to see the unselfishness of every one to set aside their personal lives and unite as a family. In this difficult time everyone has leaned on each other for support, comfort and laughs. The love everyone has for each other is so strong and reassuring.

I am so blessed to be a part of this family. I want to thank all of you for welcoming me and my boys into your family and instantly loving us and excepting us. You have no idea how much it truly means to me. We walked in the door and instantly became a part of the family. We were never judged or treated differently. I am especially thankful to each of you for treating Aiden and Mason no differently from the other nephews, cousins and grandchildren. Thank you Gary, Raynee , Teague, Jen, Caitlyn, Zak, Josh, Kirk, Brandi, Tyson, Brayden, Dawson, Alicia, Rick, Brittani, Nathan, Conner, Cory, Spring, Jaxon, Brena, and Rene.

Aiden and Mason will miss Grandpa Gary and little Kaders will miss out on knowing Grandpa Gary. I will cherish each memory I have of Gary and will share them time and time again with my children.

I love you so very much Chris and I wish there was a way I could take away your pain. The next few days are going to be rough but hang in there baby I am here for you in any way you need me.

Raynee... YOU CAN DO THIS! :)

Much love

Cassie

Dad,

This morning I woke up after 36 hours of running around, planning the funeral, helping Mom in any way I can, picking out a casket, writing your obituary with the family, etc. etc. I turned on the computer to make sure your obituary was up and I had a complete melt down.

All of a sudden I got slapped across the face with the very harsh reality that you won't be calling my phone to check in on me like you did daily, you won't be walking through the door saying "howdy howdy", you won't be coming up to the dealership just to say hi, you won't be at Tyson's birthday dinner tonight, YOU JUST WON'T BE THERE ANY MORE...

As our family gathered around your bed on Sunday, I climbed into bed with you and slid between you and mom sliding my arms and legs around your body. All of your kids had a hand on your sweet, cancer infested body and I put my cheek on yours. I then put my lips next to your ear and whispered to you "please Dad, let go, it's OK. We love you and will take care of our Mom. We don't want you to leave but Dad but it is harder to watch you in so much pain. It's OK Daddy, it's OK to leave us now and join your Heavenly father, your brother, your grandparents, Brandi's sweet Father..." You took a couple of last deep breaths and then you were gone...

Today as I read the obituary I want to go back to Sunday and say "DAD!!! Please don't leave me, please God, PLEASE cure my Daddy from this horrible disease and leave him here with us!!!! I NEED my Father, Dad and best friend!!! I NEED HIM!!!!" I can't imagine living without my PERFECT FATHER!! I NEED HIM..........

I LOVE YOU DAD............................

Keep the Stories Coming!

Today we met with the funeral home and made the arrangements for Dad.  After the sticker shock of spending A LOT of money for the funeral, I recommend that everyone tries to find some deals now on these kinds of things.  However, if you have to face something like this, I strongly recommend taking Kirk along to do your negotiations! :)

After the funeral home, Grandma Rene, Grandma Betty, Mom, and all the kids and spouses (except Spring whom we missed) went to lunch. We talked about how surreal this still is and we keep waiting for Dad to come in at any minute.  We love him so much!!

We also talked about how peaceful yesterday was.  We realized that we all had the same question – why did we all gather in Dad’s room shortly before he passed??  All of us had been in and out of his room all day, but for some reason we all gathered in the room about 20 minutes before he quietly left us – another blessing for our great family.  I failed to mention one very tender moment.  Before they took Dad’s body away, several people went over to Dad to say goodbye.  When it was Grandma Betty’s turn, she walked over to him, held his hand, kissed him on the forehead, and said, “I am so proud to be your mother.”  I realized how strong she was being through this difficult time.  Both Grandma Betty and Mom have shown us how their fervent testimony of what is to come gives them strength to endure one of the hardest challenges they will ever face.

The funeral is set for Thursday with viewings on Wednesday night and Thursday before the funeral.  We look forward to seeing you there so we can have one more celebration of this great man's life!

We want to keep this blog going for a little longer because we think people have more they want to write about Dad.  Your stories give us strength, and, while we knew Dad was amazing, your stories have taught us that he was a much greater man than we ever realized!

Please keep your stories coming!

Dad's Obituary

Raise the banner high! Gary has finished his earthly work and is beginning his new mission in service to the Savior.  Service has ever been his watchword and his mission here on Earth.  Gary was born on February 18, 1947 to Robert Walker and Betty Jo Kartchner Bengtzen in Salt Lake City, Utah.  He passed away just two days after his 64^th birthday after a short, but heroic battle with cancer.

Gary served an LDS mission to the British Isles where he made many friendships he still cherishes today. While in his 50’s, Gary had the opportunity to serve the Lord with Raynee in France for 18 glorious months.  Gary loved France!

Gary married the love of his life, Raynee Chidester, in the Salt Lake Temple on October 23, 1968. Gary treasured his family above all. He was happiest when he was in a Hawaiian shirt barbequing for his family by the pool. 

Gary spent his life serving the Lord and held many callings in the LDS church including Bishop, member of the Stake Presidency, Young Men’s President, missionary, and for the last eight years serving the young adults across the Salt Lake Valley. Gary spent a great deal of time serving others including many trips to Mexico to distribute eyeglasses, years of help with the Christmas Wish, and years in Rotary and Kiwanis.

Gary loved the sunshine, convertibles, the beach, and relaxing by the pool. He spent much of his life in the printing industry where he made many lifelong friends.

Gary is survived by his eternal wife Raynee, Children Teague (Jennifer), Kirk (Brandi), Alicia (Rick) Finlayson, Cory (Spring), and Chris (Cassie), 14 Grandchildren, Parents Robert and Betty Jo, Raynee’s parents Ken and Rene Chidester, Siblings Myke Branch, Tim (Barbara) and Suzie Turner, Kelly (Ginny) Chidester, and Kathy (Jeff) Kjar. Preceded in death by his brother Kay.

There will be viewings on Wednesday February 23^rd from 6:30 – 8:30pm at Wasatch Lawn (3401 S. Highland Dr.) and Thursday February 24^th from 10:00 – 11:45am at the Salt Lake Highland Stake Center (2738 S. Filmore St. (1550 East)). Services will be held Thursday February 23^rd at noon at the Salt Lake Highland Stake Center (2738 S. Filmore St. (1550 East)).

In lieu of flowers, please send donations to www.bacausa.com (St. George chapter).

To learn more about his story or go to www.garysmiracles.blogspot.com.

Dad, thank you for your amazing example!  We love you!

Evening Update

This has been the longest and shortest 6 weeks of my life. 

As my cousin and I sat by Dad who had been unresponsive for a couple of days, I showed him a picture of Dad and I outside walking around.  Dad was walking with a walker.  The picture shows Dad smiling while we walked.  My cousin said, “Was that two or three weeks ago?”  I quickly responded “that was Tuesday.”  He said, “A week ago Tuesday?”  I said, “Last Tuesday…4 days ago.”  He sat in amazement wondering if that was possible.

I am sitting in the living room as I write this with some of my siblings and spouses.  One of them just asked, “Is this real? I keep waiting for him to come in the room.”  We are all in shock. We knew it was coming, yet when it finally happened it was so sad.

The family came at different times and was all here by about noon.  The nurse was here and told us that Dad’s blood pressure was down and his heart rate was up which meant he was in the final stages.  At one point Dad stopped breathing and he said that it was time.  I ran out to grab Chris and Alicia but when we returned he was breathing again. We all sat in Dad’s bedroom for awhile but realized it might not happen for a bit.  Some people stayed and others went into the main part of the house.  About 2:45 we all gathered in the bedroom again.  It was a beautiful site!  Mom, all the kids and spouses, all of the grandkids who wanted to be in the room, Grandma Betty, and Aunt Suzie were gathered in the room.  Some people were on the bed, some were holding his hands, and everyone watched his every breath.  As I looked around the room I realized that this is exactly the way Dad would want it.  I am so proud of my siblings because I believe they all kept the promise we made to each other…we would have no regrets.

About 3:10 his breathing become more labored and finally took his last sweet breath. There were many tears. We knew it was coming but when the time finally came it was impossible to hold the tears back.  I have to admit, I was questioning whether I wanted to actually be in the room when he passed.  To my surprise, it was a very peaceful and spiritual experience.  For the next couple of hours different family members sat next to Dad and told stories and cried.  When they came to get his body, we did not want him to leave…it seemed so final.

For 14 years my father has been my best friend.  Even last night I had a question and thought to myself, “I need to call Dad and ask him.” I am not sure when it will actually set in that he is gone.

My mother continues to be the rock of our family.  She spent the rest of the day comforting and serving everyone.  We had a great dinner (thank you, thank you Bunny and RaeAnn!) and are now sitting in the living room not knowing what to do.

We are meeting with the funeral home in the morning and will let everyone know when the funeral will be.

I close with a verse from a favorite hymn:

“What greater gift dost thou bestow, what greater goodness can we know than Christ-like friends, whose gentle ways strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

When such a friend from us departs, we hold forever in our hearts a sweet and hallowed memory, bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.

For worthy friends whose lives proclaim devotion to the Savior’s name, who bless our days with peace and love, we praise thy goodness, Lord above.”