Morning Update...

Here are some fun pictures of when Dad was Bishop. (Left to right Steve Knudson, Dad, Fred Esplin)
Dad, Steve and Fred

Dad had a nice evening with Alicia, Rick and some of the grandchildren last night. He was in good spirits and was making little jokes here and there. He got tired early and we helped put him in bed.

He was up a couple different times last night with some tough situations. Mom and I helped him move around and try to get comfortable. At 4:00AM he was up again and was even more frustrated and out of it. Mom and I talked him through some things and he continued to say he was in a lot of pain. For Dad to say he is in pain means he is in more pain than the normal human being could bare...

As I left this morning to go to work, Dad yelled for me. He was sitting up in his bed and tried to tell me something that was obviously very important. The words didn't make sense at all. Mom and I tried to help talk him through what he was saying and it still didn't make sense. Dad knows that he isn't making sense as the words are spoken. He gets very frustrated because he knows what he wants to say and then when the words come out, he stops, looks up at me and shakes his head because he knows the words are NOT what he means. He then softly says "Sorry Kirk". Me being me, I start to cry because his words have inspired and led our family for decades and now he can't relay what he wants us to know. However, he ALWAYS finds the words to say "I LOVE YOU!". Well I LOVE YOU DAD and your soft beautiful smile, combined with your eyes looking into mine sayes everything!!!!!!!

Brandi and our boys are going to spend the day with Dad. Alicia is planning on spending most of the day there as well. It takes two people to care for Dad now, but we are all so grateful for this opportunity to serve our Dad. Hospice came in last night and has put a schedule together so that will help us a lot!!!

We love you Mom and Dad!!!!

Evening Update

Dad did well through the night.  He was up one time but it was uneventful.  Kirk spent the night again just in case he was needed.  Alicia had to help Dad eat breakfast this morning, but he did eat quite a bit.

Alicia, Kirk, Mom, Dad, and I went to see the doctor this morning to see if we were going to do another round of chemo.  Dad’s platelet level had dropped considerably.  With this drop and other factors, the doctor said he felt that we had done all we could do.  As he was talking with us, the doctor became very emotional.  This doctor has now spent a lot of time helping both Mom and Dad with cancer over the years.  It was obvious that they have become more than just patients.  He was very kind and tried to comfort us as much as possible.  After that another doctor came in and met with us for a bit.  He tried to give us an idea of what the future held and told us about hospice.  This afternoon Alicia, Mom, and I met with a very nice nurse from hospice.  She wanted to learn a little about our family and set up a schedule.

This afternoon Dad asked if he could sit outside.  It was a beautiful sunny day.  We set up two chairs and Dad and I sat on the deck for about an hour.  Very few words were said, most of the time he closed his eyes and enjoyed the sun.  Dad has always enjoyed being outside in the sun – hence his love for convertibles.

Dad is too weak to see people but he loves hearing from you.  We want to take it one step further!  We feel the best tribute we can give Dad is to hear what you, his friends, say about him.  We are asking for everyone to write a story, funny moment, or something you learned from Dad. We are making a book of this blog for the kids and grandkids and want as many stories as we can get.  Nothing is too small!!

You can post your stories by clicking on “comments” at the bottom of this post and signing in or selecting “anonymous.” If that does not work, you can email your comment to me at teague@bengtzen.com and I will put it on the blog for you.

While our family is very sad, many of us have had strong, spiritual, peaceful feelings that our Heavenly Father needs Dad more than we do. 

Mom said something the other day that stuck with me.  She said she didn’t want anyone in our home to be depressed or negative because “that is not who this family is.”  Our family is following the lead of our incredible mother and remaining positive and looking for the good.

Mom, Dad, Brena, and Jaxon (Cory's kids)

Mom and Dad this afternoon

Dad and I sat outside for about an hour.

Dad just sat with his eyes closed enjoying every second of the sun.

That is True!

I was reading the blog to Dad today and I wanted to share a nice experience.  A good friend of Dad and Mom posted a nice Valentine’s Day message.  Read the message and then I will tell you what happened.

I am so amazed at the strength and love! Wow. I stand in awe of how many miracles are occurring in your lives right now. For Gary to have such inner strength to go to Brittani's swim meet and Zak's Eagle Scout Court of Honor. wow. I'm speechless really.

Today's the day for sweethearts and who could be a better example of true love than Gary and Raynee. What a miracle that is in this world!

Romeo and Juliet ? Anthony and Cleopatra? Lancelot and Guinevere? Sampson and Delilah?

None of them can match Gary and Raynee's love for each other.

I hope your Valentine's day is full of love and peace. I wish for you both a day of joy together, reflecting on your commitment to each other all those years ago, and how proud you must be to stand hand in hand together, still madly in love, still devoted to each other, still pushing forward together, still smiling, still fighting, still believing.

That is a true miracle.

God bless and keep you today and I am praying that this day will be the best one ever!

Sally

I read this to Mom and Dad.  Afterwards I asked Dad what he thought and he looked at Mom and in a clear voice said, “That is true!”

Sunday Update

Dad was incredible yet again! He had a rough day but was still able to see a couple of close friends and visits from extended family.  Dad seemed to really enjoy seeing Chris, Cassie, and their boys.  At one point he asked to hold Kade (Chris’ son) and seemed to beam as he did – he even fed him for a bit!  Dad did not get much sleep as he wanted to spend time with his family who where there.

He was very weak through the day and even had to have Chris feed him in the afternoon.  It did not look like there was any way he could go to the Zak’s Court of Honor.  When Chris was feeding him, Chris asked Dad if he wanted some carrots and Dad said, “I’ll eat anything to help me go to the Court of Honor.” He is amazing!  As the clock quickly moved forward we were all worried that he wouldn’t be up to it.  When it was time to leave he said he was going. 

The Court Of Honor was a great event.  Zak was one of 13 scouts in our troop receiving their Eagle Award.  There was a live eagle as well as a fun video paying tribute to the scouts.  After the Eagle presentations were made, the audience clapped as all 13 scouts and their parents were on the stage.  Then unexpectedly people began standing up to give the scouts a standing ovation.  I started to cry as I looked in the audience and saw Dad standing and clapping (I am crying right now thinking about it).  This man continues to amaze us with his strength and love for his family.  It was the perfect night!

Mom and Dad after the Court of Honor

Grandpa and the new Eagle Scout (Zak)

Kirk and family, Alicia and family, Teague and family,
Dan (Teague's brother in law) and family,

Joe (Teague's brother in law) and family,
Jaxon and Brenna (Cory's kids), and Mom and Dad.

The 13 New Eagle Scouts

(Zak is on the far left and Teague is at the podium)



Morning Update...

Good morning!

We are so lucky to have another gorgeous morning. Dad is already sitting out with me in the back living room and we're looking at this beautiful world we live in.

Last night was a little more eventful, maybe my mom isn't dipping into the pills after all. Dad was up a few different times due to pain. His ability to walk and communicate was not good. His legs buckled many times and it was a lot more difficult for Mom and I to help him to the bathroom and back. Getting him in bed the second time was probably the hardest yet.

Dad woke up pretty early for another restroom trip and then we brought him right out to the living room. I read him and Mom some of the blog posts and then we spent a while looking at all of the pictures from yesterday's events.

While we were looking at the pictures, we joked about the picture where my Mom is in front of the boys with her arms out. That is what we call a Lee Wheelock pose. My parents have a very special group of people that you've heard us talk about before, "The Dinner Group". Well once a year this group heads up to the Ivin's cabin and they have the best couple of days with each other. Every year they take a picture and Lee Wheelock was ALWAYS posed the same way that my Mom was in the boys picture. Lee passed away a few years back and we LOVE his family sooooo very much. That picture was for you Marnee, Holly and Kevin!

While looking at the pictures, all of a sudden Dad pushed his foot rest away and started to get up. I quickly asked "Dad, where are you going?" He responded "I need to get a picture, I'll be right back". Mom and I laughed and I helped him up and said "let me walk with you...". We walked and he was moving a little better than he did last night. We walked for a bit and I asked where he wanted to go and he stopped up towards the front hall way. I looked at him, he made eye contact and then turned his head and nodded toward a picture frame. I looked at the frame on the wall and low and behold, there were 3 pictures of "The Dinner Group". The Ivins, the Monsons, my parents and the Wheelocks were in all three pictures and the one at the bottom was with Lee kneeling in front with his arms wide open. What a beautiful group of people. Thanks you guys for all of your love and support, we all love you so much!!!

Dad is now trying to eat a little, but isn't doing real well. I just talked to my beautiful wife who kept all of the grand kids under 12 at our house last night. Since I stayed here, she didn't have any help, but just like my sweet Brandi, she said everyone did great. She told me fun little stories about each of my brothers cute kids. I am so lucky to have this woman!!!!

Mom is worried about if we will able to get Dad to Zac's Court of Honor, but we are going to give it our best shot. We need to have him rest a lot more today since his yesterday was so eventful. Dad says "we'll take things step by step and see how things evolve...". He has says that often...

I LOVE YOU DAD!

Evening Update

Dad has been talking all week about the two things he wants to do…Go to Brittany’s swim meet and go to Zak’s Eagle Court of Honor.  One down and One to go!!!

Brittani (Alicia’s daughter) has been ranked number one in the state and today was to swim in the state tournament.  After a rough morning we were not thinking Dad could go, but he would have none of that…Dad was going and nobody was going to get in his way!

Cory, Chris, Kirk, and Mom got him ready and loaded him (and his IV) up and took off for BYU.  If you know our family, you know that the ONLY way some of us would step foot on that campus is for a family member.  So we donned our Uof U clothing, and off we went to the school down South.

Our Brittani did not disappoint! They were able to get Dad a pass so he could go right on the deck of the pool – he had the best seat in the house.  It was packed with a lot of screaming fans and Dad was right there in the middle of the action.  We learned tonight that he especially enjoyed the back stroke.

Brittani started off neck and neck with the other swimmers.  On the second lap she pulled ahead, but by the third lap one girl caught up and they only had one lap to go.  We were all cheering for her but were very nervous.   Britt later told us that she was tired on the final lap but the thought came to her, “My Grandpa did not come here to see me lose.”  All of a sudden she started pulling away fast!  She ended up winning by a pretty good margin.  She is amazing!

We all gathered for pictures after she swam.  It was a beautiful day and everyone enjoyed the sun and warm temps.  As we were taking pictures, Dad suddenly said, “I want to walk.”  We were shocked, but Kirk and I grabbed an arm and we walked around for a bit.  Dad is an unbelievable trooper!

Tonight the kids and spouses gathered at Mom and Dad’s house for a family meeting.  A huge thanks to Caitlin, Nathan, Zak, and Braydan for tending so we could have a good meeting. We had a great dinner (thanks Kirk and Brandi!) and talked about some hard things.  We have accepted the inevitable but are grateful for the precious time we have left with the most amazing man ever!  We laughed and cried and laughed some more. 

The main feeling everyone left with was that through these very sad and difficult few weeks we have come together and are closer than we thought we could be.  We also know that we have seen many miracles and tender mercies that we will always remember.

The whole group inside BYU after Brittani took State!

Aiden, Cassie, Mom, Dad, Chris, Mason, and Kade

Dad surprised Kirk and me when all of a sudden he wanted to walk around

Chris, Teague, Dad, Kirk, Cory, and some crazy lady who jumped in the picture at the last minute

At the Family Meeting

(standing) Kirk, Brandi, Cory, Spring, Rick, and Jen

(bottom) Mom, Dad, Alicia, Chris, Cassie, and Teague



Dad thinks he likes #1 or 2. Brandi votes for #1 or 2 as well... FYI, it took me so long to write the morning update it is below Teague's hat pictures...